yes i know... its been awhile... I think I have been avoiding blogging... I hate to see my life in black and white.. not to mention when do I get to on the computer except for first thing in the morning or maybe late late at night?... funny- we have two computers in here and they both seem to always occupied.. even as i type devon chooses this exact moment to ask me for something to eat.. even though i offered something to him for the past hour... hes asking for chicken or Mcdonalds... um no lol.
went up to London to visit Erin.. her townhouse is nice. It was a nice visit overall- even though we didnt get to see Jim until 6ish..man what a long drive.. no wonder they dont come here that often! and stupid me on the way back says to Dean.. thank God you dont have to come this way with the big truck anymore! and yes... i jinxed it.. dean has to go to London today to deliver rubber hoses.. sigh.. sorta like 3 weeks ago when his truck kept breaking down and was only home for a day.. i said to him the first day he was gone.. " for some reason i just feel its going to be a VERY long week".. maybe i will just keep my mouth shut from now on.
It's been one very crappy summer.. the weather has sucked.. and we havent gone ANYWHERE... trying to get devon out of the house to do anything is worse than getting teeth pulled. the screams.. the carrying on... you think i was trying to give him chinese water torture instead of trying to do something FUN..Usually we get to the beach, happy ralphs.. parks.. etc at least once or twice a week.. this summer??? um lucky to get him to go grocery shopping or to pick up one of russells friends.. and that includes screaming, swearing and him going off the wall. does not make for a pleasant time. Hes not sleeping well... either not going to bed until very late and waking up at the crack of dawn or going to bed at 6pm and jumping up at midnight for the rest of the day. Makes ME very tired- since i am up when HE is up...
Russell seems to think he lives in his own little apartment downstairs.. has friends constantly over- staying up unGodly hours and sleeping till 2...eating all of our food.. monopolizing the computers with "runescape" or hogging the tv or wii downstairs...I keep telling him its going to stop SOON- since he starts highschool in less than a month... even when he doesnt have anyone over hes up half the night watching tv in his room- i am SO tempted to disconnect the cable in there..but i dont think that would solve the problem.. I tolerate a lot just because he never HAD this popularity before and I am trying to give him a "fun" summer before highschool..Devon HATES when a friend of russell's is over and there is always fighting and screaming...
I wish i even had time every day so i could get on the treadmill.. it seems once i am up, functioning and coffeed.. devon is in a mood.. and i dont trust him at all.. if i get on with the mp3 player going and cant hear him- hes either outside somewhere calling on friends at weird hours in his pjamas...or making weird food concotions or bugging russells/and his friends to get up which starts fights.. in the afternoon its impossible as I have to supervise his play. Yesterday he was going to run away... took his blues clues blanket and filled it with old pjamas and headed down the street all the way to canby rd.. if it werent for nick and nathan God knows where he would have ended up.. or me driving in the car beside him trying to get him in while he screams and swears at me... sigh. yes hes done it before.Yesterday was over a fight he had with russell- typical-and hes not like a normal kid who will go for a walk or sit somewhere and come home after cooling down- he would just keep walking, and not think logically, plus he doesnt look for cars- So- I end up sneaking in time when dean is home on the treadmill- either cutting the grass or something.
I just wish devon would be more easy going- HA.. yes.. a lot to ask of a rigid autistic child.. but everything seems to be make him irritible, agressive, sets him off- only when hes left alone is he sorta ok.. and you still him constantly talking to himself- or should I say complaining and swearing to himself..he wants to play with his friends but really isnt capable.. he gets slap happy.. in their face with screaming and swearing and being rude without realizing how to stop. Hes like a hyper 3 year old.. and I am SO sick of the pooping in his pants thing.. i know he can't "help" most things.. but please tell me how to make things easier- cuz its only getting worse!! I DREAD school as much as I look forward to it- the break for me is SOOO wonderful however, trying to GET him to school in the mornings sometimes feels like I have done 10 rounds with mike Tyson..and i am not even sure yet if the school is providing a BUS for him this year. if I have to get him into a CAR every morning I may lose my MIND. I will find out in the mail in the next couple weeks- if I DONT get a letter from the bus company basically hes not GETTING one.. so I wont really know till the last minute- and just want we want to do everyday- take him into thorold and back home every day- and no we arent reimbursed for gas either. Last week we were taken off all health benefits.. i am running out of everything this week.. i can hardly wait to see THAT bill- let me just pull the money out of my ASS.
our anniversary is tomorrow-Feels like we have been married for 20 years instead of 9... we have lived together now for 13.. and "together" for 21.. havent gone anywhere even to get dean a card- we were hoping to go out for supper but wednesday we have baseball with the kids and thursday we are having company- i wish someone else would take them to baseball ( and they cant miss it since they havent gone in 3 weeks) but yeah well lol.. mum isnt well at all- so i hate to even ask her to watch them for dinner- and even if she was feeling ok she would never take the both of them anywhere by herself.. maybe we will get to go next week if shes better- make it a my birthday/anniversary dinner...dean wont be home on my birthday again this year- it will be nice to have him once for once on our actual anniversary even if we arent going out. I have gotten used to the not doing anything on my birthday at all for 14 years.. usually mum is in port dover and dean on the road.. i spend it as any other day- i hate to ask mum- definately worried there..
on a happier note- scott and miriam+kids are coming down thursday along with rachel/john+kids and andrea and jason, kathy and diana.. should be a nice break from reality for the day. I havent seen Scott in 11 years... alot has happened since.. and I am sure for him too.
ok- enough ranting- going to make devon food.. and perhaps shower while hes eating- since i dont want dean to run away from my lack of personal hygiene in the past couple of days.. i meant to get a bath last night when i got off the phone with him around 11.. but devon got up.. and then i didnt want to make ANY noise once i got him back into bed...i ended up not being able to sleep and up until 3,...
tl-
Su
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