This is shaping up to be a very very long week...
dean of course is having another shitty week with the truck he has- hes on week two with this truck that has no a/c ( its 110 in florida) and one gas tank ( the other had plastic and cardboard stuck in it) so this made him late.. and of course andy had a ton of picks for him. oh and last night his phone broke.
Devon has a broken arm... did it on saturday. He was in his usual fine mood, attacking his friend, running, screaming etc.. and he ran into the games room and slammed the door.. i went up to see what desctruction he was wreaking and opened the door.. he was behind it- apparently with his right arm raised. sigh. it didnt even swell or bruise, plus he could move his fingers and wrist. Dr. said it just had to be the way his arm was up on an angle.. its a small crack, not a clean cut break. So now I have a kid that cant do anything since its his right arm including getting dressed or go to the bathroom. Joy. I am actually shocked that he hasnt broken something before the way he leaps, jumps and doesnt pay attention not to mention his lack of coordination. ( I better knock on some wood here!)
I am trying to convince Dean to take off Thanksgiving week ( not this trip but the trip after). He needs a break and so do I. If he takes it off he will be off when the kids have their 4 day weekend, be home for thanksgiving dinner for the first time in 13 years, and get to go to balls falls festival. I hope he says yes. He wouldnt get a vacation until christmas otherwise and he needs to have a break from the crap hes dealing with and I need to see him longer than 2 days. ( and so do his kids! :)
I hope dean gets home earlyish today and since his phone is broken, I have NO clue. I should be doing something in here, I have laundry to put away, things to tidy etc but I keep putting it off. I dont even know what i am going to make for dinner. Guess I better get something out soon if I want it defrosted. I have been sitting here since I took the kids in this morning playing plants vs zombies... really productive! :p ( Thanks kathy! lol)
I wrote a long email to a friend of my mothers niece who does aba and ibi therapy and sensory intergration... gave her my #... wonder if she will get back to me. I can only imagine how much it costs... other places around here are around the 25--30 dollar and hour mark. Anything is worth a shot finding out about but It just seems like everyone I have called or emailed either doesnt get back to me or cant help. He finally goes for his mri next month ( oct). at sick kids. we have been waiting since february. Hes going under anesthetic.. this should be fun!We also have an appt with dr shapir oct. 7th. We took the kids to dr sassi last week ( the eye dr) and he said again, devon has a mild prescription but do I honestly think he would keep the glasses on for more than an hour? So he recommended we hold out till it gets significant. Poor kid. seems things only gets worse as time goes on.
ok- one more round :) and I should do something in here before dean gets home cuz then i will have NO time.
ttfn
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
When you have an Autistic child....
When you have an autistic child
When you have an autistic child your time is not your own. You are a care giver 24 hours a day.
When you have an autistic child your whole world becomes a time table, Dr's, therapists, school meetings, and routine routine routine.
When you have an autistic child your entire life becomes ABOUT autism.. how to survive and cope and help your child ( and yourself) just get through a day.
When you have an autistic child, to say your life is unpredictable is an understatement, anything can change in a heart beat and plans are rarely made because of this.
When you have an autistic child you feel like you're living in a bubble, you can't escape and no one can get in.
When you have an autistic child you grieve a little everyday, for the future, friends lost and the ability to communicate and interact with your child.
When you have an autistic child no one wants to hear about your day, or understand the isolation you feel. No one wants to acknowledge that you have a child with an illness, they only think you're a bad parent, or dramatizing or how better they could handle things if they were in your shoes.
When you have an autistic child you are always on guard and are constantly trying to find ways of reducing all stress. Even a fun event can turn into a nightmare in a split second, sometimes it's just best to avoid things.
When you have an autistic child your close friends disappear, they don't have a clue what being a parent to an autistic child means.. you don't have a lot of time or energy for anything else and your reasons become excuses in their eyes.
When you have an autistic child no one seems to understand and everyone is full of advice and judgement.
When you have an autistic child you become a fighter, for your child, for compassion and a little understanding, for a 5 minute break.
When you have an autistic child you worry all the time. About school, about testing, about the future, about rages, about your other children, about your job and your relationships.
When you have an autistic child you want to shout from the roof tops.. My child is a human BEING and please accept him with patience and treat him with the respect he deserves!
I am the mother of an autistic child and if I could heal my child I would. Don't you think I want to? Don't you think my heart breaks every time I see my child not being able to cope? or have friends? or when he's rejected by his peers? or say what he wants to say? or get terrified and anxious over things we don't understand?
I am the mother of an autistic child and my life is not the same as yours. Please try and put yourself in my shoes just for a moment.
Suzanne Bilski
http://www.autismcanada.org/
http://www.fragilex.org/html/autism_and_fragile_x_syndrome.htm
When you have an autistic child your time is not your own. You are a care giver 24 hours a day.
When you have an autistic child your whole world becomes a time table, Dr's, therapists, school meetings, and routine routine routine.
When you have an autistic child your entire life becomes ABOUT autism.. how to survive and cope and help your child ( and yourself) just get through a day.
When you have an autistic child, to say your life is unpredictable is an understatement, anything can change in a heart beat and plans are rarely made because of this.
When you have an autistic child you feel like you're living in a bubble, you can't escape and no one can get in.
When you have an autistic child you grieve a little everyday, for the future, friends lost and the ability to communicate and interact with your child.
When you have an autistic child no one wants to hear about your day, or understand the isolation you feel. No one wants to acknowledge that you have a child with an illness, they only think you're a bad parent, or dramatizing or how better they could handle things if they were in your shoes.
When you have an autistic child you are always on guard and are constantly trying to find ways of reducing all stress. Even a fun event can turn into a nightmare in a split second, sometimes it's just best to avoid things.
When you have an autistic child your close friends disappear, they don't have a clue what being a parent to an autistic child means.. you don't have a lot of time or energy for anything else and your reasons become excuses in their eyes.
When you have an autistic child no one seems to understand and everyone is full of advice and judgement.
When you have an autistic child you become a fighter, for your child, for compassion and a little understanding, for a 5 minute break.
When you have an autistic child you worry all the time. About school, about testing, about the future, about rages, about your other children, about your job and your relationships.
When you have an autistic child you want to shout from the roof tops.. My child is a human BEING and please accept him with patience and treat him with the respect he deserves!
I am the mother of an autistic child and if I could heal my child I would. Don't you think I want to? Don't you think my heart breaks every time I see my child not being able to cope? or have friends? or when he's rejected by his peers? or say what he wants to say? or get terrified and anxious over things we don't understand?
I am the mother of an autistic child and my life is not the same as yours. Please try and put yourself in my shoes just for a moment.
Suzanne Bilski
http://www.autismcanada.org/
http://www.fragilex.org/html/autism_and_fragile_x_syndrome.htm
Thursday, September 17, 2009
My dad
I just knew i would be up at 3 if i went to bed by 9... sigh... Dean and I were so zonked last night that after devon went to bed we did too!
strange day yesterday. first we went over to the pelham clinic so dean could get his physical for work.. i opted to wait in the car with a book instead of sitting in the germ infested room. 2 hours later- he comes back out and announces that hes quitting smoking and hasn't had a cigarette since. his sugar his fine, his blood pressure is fine..now he has to fast for cholesterol. that isnt part of the physical but i he asked for the test. so we go to the pharmacy where dean got nicerette gum.. grocery shopping, lancer for lunch.. the meridian, the rbc, back to the meridian then back to rbc.. then big reds-
so I am at the meat counter- and all of a sudden, I am being hugged by a strange old man- we pull apart and i look at him and my heart goes into my stomach- its MY DAD. we go through the how r u's.. and how old my kids are-that russell started thorold high.. ( THAT SHOCKS HIM) and i said yeah well time flies by eh? I tell him hes over 6 feet now..and that shit its been years since he saw him.. and he says well u know where i live... so i said and U knew where I LIVED for 6 years and came by once. I tell him i moved.. not in Thorold anymore but in Port robinson.. he says thats still THOROLD.. well i guess it is.. there you go correcting me again..the whole conversation was surreal and awkward. he takes off his glasses and is tearing up. he looks like hes 80. I can barely understand him he talks so roughly and quietly.. like quincy. hes completely grey and bald at the back.. i didn't know what to say ( i wasn't going to say shit u look OLD MAN lol) so i said omg u look like uncle charlie now. lol. he can barely breathe just standing there. i give him my new address and phone # ( which he will never use) and after 10 more minutes tell him it was good to see him and walk to the front to pay... hes right behind me in line.. we start talking about MEAT. omg. is this seriously what a daughter and father have to talk about after years or not speaking? MEAT and prices? we both didn't know what to say to each other! he points out to his car in the parking lot- a white Hyundai.. i tell him were driving a cobalt now.. he asks dean if hes still driving long haul.. we pay and i tell him again it was nice seeing him and we all leave and get into our cars.
I don't know what to think... it was very strange. I have thought about him often over the years.. in fact ( i tell him) i was just talking about him to the kids 2 days ago when devon again asks me about joe being my DAD..( he also thinks that lockhart is where i grew up= even though i have SHOWED him park ave.) hard to explain to a delayed little kid why you don't speak to your own dad when I don't even know. do i not bother because of HER? because of loyalty to my mother? because of the past? because its just too much work? The last time i popped by his house i wasn't exactly greeted by her nicely.. i got suzy? JIM! SUZY is here! ( suzy said snottily and with contempt) and we then had a very weird conversation where he had to correct me a 100 times.. showed me his meat/pantry and liqueur collection... this was at least 4 years ago. at least. I never went back over. he came over to culligan ONCE.. complained about my front step right off the bat.. looked at my one plug in the kitchen that didn't work and said it would cost us 1000's to rewire ( it cost us 50 bucks to get a guy in when we moved) and that had to be a year or so after we moved in. My # didn't change from 1996 to 2008. whatever. Joe sees him at retirement parties.. my mother always gets mad that he doesn't ask joe about his kids.. well i don't really expect him to have a friendly conversation with my mothers new husband either.. but hes had my email address and # and knew where i lived since 1996. I went over to his house a couple of times when devon was first born. if it weren't for her i might have gone over more often- but like i said she makes me feel very unwelcome- and also my loyalty to my mother kicks in... but hell he left 18 years ago... maybe if my mother had a decent marriage NOW.. she could have gotten over it a little more naturally.. ( not that that is something that just ever goes away either) Then i think well, it would be like david and russell seeing each other- however david never HAD any relationship or place in russells life EVER- this was MY DAD for 20 years.
My mother shouldn't expect ME to hold onto HER grudges.. and any grudges i have ever had with my dad on parenting etc have long gone from me... when i had my two kids and matured i realized life just isn't a leave it to beaver episode and people make mistakes, people have mental issues.. drinking issues.. that raising kids and marriage just isn't exactly easy either..you learn to let it all go...sure it still bothers me that he didn't want to even meet me for a drink at 20 because" he was happy now"... i will never understand how men can just leave ONE family and have another...and forget they ever HAD the first family in the first place. But the fight my parents had.. their divorce isn't about me.. or my brother.. or even because my dad cheated.. My dad has never been a happy person.. or a terribly vocal person that could share his feelings.. and my dad obviously has several mental issues.. that he cant help or never GOT help for. My dad and i don't even know each other now... 18 years later. he doesn't know me at all as an adult, a mother, a wife.. a woman and i don't know him now either.. but he is my father.. biologically, genetically and he helped to shape me for the first 20 years of my life. I am NOT making excuses up for his lack of parenting skills at times.. nor for his inability to communicate in the past 18 years either but their are reasons.. reasons beyond just my ability to fix the gap.. that as adults it was both of our faults to stay in touch NOT just my fathers. I am an adult now.. no longer that 15 year old that couldn't talk to him without a fight.. i am 37 years old.. and it takes two people, HIM and I..and i haven't exactly made any more efforts in recent years either.. The gap between us as adults is both of our "faults"
am I NOT there for my mother 24/7? do i not tolerate all of HER faults, issues, habits, idiosyncrasies and criticism? why should it be any different for my dad? what because my parents marriage dissolved? because he didn't have patience with me as a teenager? i look at it differently now- i HAVE a teenager- i have RAISED my two kids and I know how easy it is to get frustrated etc.. and i have been a wife for 14 years, I know how much you have to tolerate and how hard you have to work at a marriage..and I am a relatively stable normal person. I cant imagine how my DAD felt as a parent or a husband- but why should i hold it against him as an adult.. I cant. there is no logical reason. we all are entitled to make mistakes.
Even IF my dad calls me or comes over.. doesn't mean we are expected to be all palsy walsy and close like my mother and I..but I certainly can accept that he IS my father and my kids grandfather. IF he doesn't get back in touch- well thats ok too.. I dont think he does it from lack of loving but the lack of a social ability to know HOW to communicate or face situations. I also have to realize that it truly takes TWO people to make a relationship work- parent/child,.. wife/husband or even friends and if I dont bother at all either then thats MY fault too.
its not like i ever wanted to have this miley/billy ray cyrus thing... but I should be able to tolerate being in the same room as him! I don't go looking for "acceptance'.. or i have never begged for his affection as an adult.. but I can accept the man for who he is.. what he was.. and put it all in perspective.. that's what being an adult and life experience is all about. I cant stand the people that as adults habitually say.. well I am an asshole or crazy etc because of my CHILDHOOD.. you get over things,... its not how you start its how you finish and as adults you have the ability to reason, to change things.. to do things differently. sure it shapes you as a person but you cant possibly say it makes you who you are 20 years later. my childhood was so long ago- so many years have passed that I barely remember things now.. and the things i DO remember, referring to the "bad things" I have learned to let go...noone is perfect. no one can understand someone because they don't walk in their shoes.. i have learned THAT lesson for sure..its time to move on.
strange day yesterday. first we went over to the pelham clinic so dean could get his physical for work.. i opted to wait in the car with a book instead of sitting in the germ infested room. 2 hours later- he comes back out and announces that hes quitting smoking and hasn't had a cigarette since. his sugar his fine, his blood pressure is fine..now he has to fast for cholesterol. that isnt part of the physical but i he asked for the test. so we go to the pharmacy where dean got nicerette gum.. grocery shopping, lancer for lunch.. the meridian, the rbc, back to the meridian then back to rbc.. then big reds-
so I am at the meat counter- and all of a sudden, I am being hugged by a strange old man- we pull apart and i look at him and my heart goes into my stomach- its MY DAD. we go through the how r u's.. and how old my kids are-that russell started thorold high.. ( THAT SHOCKS HIM) and i said yeah well time flies by eh? I tell him hes over 6 feet now..and that shit its been years since he saw him.. and he says well u know where i live... so i said and U knew where I LIVED for 6 years and came by once. I tell him i moved.. not in Thorold anymore but in Port robinson.. he says thats still THOROLD.. well i guess it is.. there you go correcting me again..the whole conversation was surreal and awkward. he takes off his glasses and is tearing up. he looks like hes 80. I can barely understand him he talks so roughly and quietly.. like quincy. hes completely grey and bald at the back.. i didn't know what to say ( i wasn't going to say shit u look OLD MAN lol) so i said omg u look like uncle charlie now. lol. he can barely breathe just standing there. i give him my new address and phone # ( which he will never use) and after 10 more minutes tell him it was good to see him and walk to the front to pay... hes right behind me in line.. we start talking about MEAT. omg. is this seriously what a daughter and father have to talk about after years or not speaking? MEAT and prices? we both didn't know what to say to each other! he points out to his car in the parking lot- a white Hyundai.. i tell him were driving a cobalt now.. he asks dean if hes still driving long haul.. we pay and i tell him again it was nice seeing him and we all leave and get into our cars.
I don't know what to think... it was very strange. I have thought about him often over the years.. in fact ( i tell him) i was just talking about him to the kids 2 days ago when devon again asks me about joe being my DAD..( he also thinks that lockhart is where i grew up= even though i have SHOWED him park ave.) hard to explain to a delayed little kid why you don't speak to your own dad when I don't even know. do i not bother because of HER? because of loyalty to my mother? because of the past? because its just too much work? The last time i popped by his house i wasn't exactly greeted by her nicely.. i got suzy? JIM! SUZY is here! ( suzy said snottily and with contempt) and we then had a very weird conversation where he had to correct me a 100 times.. showed me his meat/pantry and liqueur collection... this was at least 4 years ago. at least. I never went back over. he came over to culligan ONCE.. complained about my front step right off the bat.. looked at my one plug in the kitchen that didn't work and said it would cost us 1000's to rewire ( it cost us 50 bucks to get a guy in when we moved) and that had to be a year or so after we moved in. My # didn't change from 1996 to 2008. whatever. Joe sees him at retirement parties.. my mother always gets mad that he doesn't ask joe about his kids.. well i don't really expect him to have a friendly conversation with my mothers new husband either.. but hes had my email address and # and knew where i lived since 1996. I went over to his house a couple of times when devon was first born. if it weren't for her i might have gone over more often- but like i said she makes me feel very unwelcome- and also my loyalty to my mother kicks in... but hell he left 18 years ago... maybe if my mother had a decent marriage NOW.. she could have gotten over it a little more naturally.. ( not that that is something that just ever goes away either) Then i think well, it would be like david and russell seeing each other- however david never HAD any relationship or place in russells life EVER- this was MY DAD for 20 years.
My mother shouldn't expect ME to hold onto HER grudges.. and any grudges i have ever had with my dad on parenting etc have long gone from me... when i had my two kids and matured i realized life just isn't a leave it to beaver episode and people make mistakes, people have mental issues.. drinking issues.. that raising kids and marriage just isn't exactly easy either..you learn to let it all go...sure it still bothers me that he didn't want to even meet me for a drink at 20 because" he was happy now"... i will never understand how men can just leave ONE family and have another...and forget they ever HAD the first family in the first place. But the fight my parents had.. their divorce isn't about me.. or my brother.. or even because my dad cheated.. My dad has never been a happy person.. or a terribly vocal person that could share his feelings.. and my dad obviously has several mental issues.. that he cant help or never GOT help for. My dad and i don't even know each other now... 18 years later. he doesn't know me at all as an adult, a mother, a wife.. a woman and i don't know him now either.. but he is my father.. biologically, genetically and he helped to shape me for the first 20 years of my life. I am NOT making excuses up for his lack of parenting skills at times.. nor for his inability to communicate in the past 18 years either but their are reasons.. reasons beyond just my ability to fix the gap.. that as adults it was both of our faults to stay in touch NOT just my fathers. I am an adult now.. no longer that 15 year old that couldn't talk to him without a fight.. i am 37 years old.. and it takes two people, HIM and I..and i haven't exactly made any more efforts in recent years either.. The gap between us as adults is both of our "faults"
am I NOT there for my mother 24/7? do i not tolerate all of HER faults, issues, habits, idiosyncrasies and criticism? why should it be any different for my dad? what because my parents marriage dissolved? because he didn't have patience with me as a teenager? i look at it differently now- i HAVE a teenager- i have RAISED my two kids and I know how easy it is to get frustrated etc.. and i have been a wife for 14 years, I know how much you have to tolerate and how hard you have to work at a marriage..and I am a relatively stable normal person. I cant imagine how my DAD felt as a parent or a husband- but why should i hold it against him as an adult.. I cant. there is no logical reason. we all are entitled to make mistakes.
Even IF my dad calls me or comes over.. doesn't mean we are expected to be all palsy walsy and close like my mother and I..but I certainly can accept that he IS my father and my kids grandfather. IF he doesn't get back in touch- well thats ok too.. I dont think he does it from lack of loving but the lack of a social ability to know HOW to communicate or face situations. I also have to realize that it truly takes TWO people to make a relationship work- parent/child,.. wife/husband or even friends and if I dont bother at all either then thats MY fault too.
its not like i ever wanted to have this miley/billy ray cyrus thing... but I should be able to tolerate being in the same room as him! I don't go looking for "acceptance'.. or i have never begged for his affection as an adult.. but I can accept the man for who he is.. what he was.. and put it all in perspective.. that's what being an adult and life experience is all about. I cant stand the people that as adults habitually say.. well I am an asshole or crazy etc because of my CHILDHOOD.. you get over things,... its not how you start its how you finish and as adults you have the ability to reason, to change things.. to do things differently. sure it shapes you as a person but you cant possibly say it makes you who you are 20 years later. my childhood was so long ago- so many years have passed that I barely remember things now.. and the things i DO remember, referring to the "bad things" I have learned to let go...noone is perfect. no one can understand someone because they don't walk in their shoes.. i have learned THAT lesson for sure..its time to move on.
Monday, September 14, 2009
monday morning.... despite a few grumblings and the im not going to school.. devon got on the bus and i had a pretty easy morning... PHEW.. I wish all mornings ( and nights- he was in bed and asleep by 830... well gees the kid was up from 3am!!- yeah- let's not spoil my mood and go there!) would go as easy as this... its such a nice way to start the day... no fights and out bursts..
maybe today I will actually tackle the LAUNDRY I have been avoiding doing for 4 days... sigh.. its not even the washing.. its the putting AWAY I CAN'T STAND. I have a load of mine and deans, towels, 2 comforters and devons... oh and sheets..I really should get it all done before dean gets home tomorrow- we have a busy couple days wed./thursday.. whats new...and If i dont do it all now.. it will just be sitting there on the weekend. At least yesterday i managed to tidy up.. make a pot of sauce and 82 meatballs..then went to my mothers.. her floors arent that bad! and she had actually taken down the front window curtains that I thought were beige.. nope they are WHITE HAHAHA she had NEVER washed them in the 10 years they have lived there! and yet she would come to my old house and inform me that my kitchen curtains would need washing all the time! ( and i did them at least 4 times a year!)
went to bed early last night..was IN bed by 930.. read for a bit and actually turned the lights out by 10... ( was up at 3am... so i was bloody tired) it makes it so much easier when devon goes to bed on time and me- shortly after... the routine to get him there is tiring in itself... all the prompting, bribing.. routine... computer time, then bath time,.. then snack time.. then tv in my room for one or two short shows.. then laying there with him hoping that I DONT fall asleep with him ...at least dean isnt beeping me anymore... i laid down the law.. i have been saying goodbye to him before i lay down with devon and IF I get up and have time later i will call you back... so far so good. it makes it so much easier when devon doesnt wake up or the phone ringing.. because 9 times out of ten,.. if he gets up hes UP.. no falling back asleep easily.. now if i could just get through to WYATT... even telling him the other day that I really DONT appreciate him calling at night he did again yesterday.. but at least it was only almost 9.. not like 11 last week! I would hate to have to turn off the phones at night in case of an emergency.
ugh just went down and through in a load... there are 4 comforters on the floor, compliments to russell...I really should steam the carpets at some point too.. Rose and I looked the other day and discovered that i have hardwood under the carpets on the stairs... no idea whats in the upper hallway.. but at least we can rip up the stairs, stain them and shallack them... if dean ever has a spare moment HA! next few days off are at christmas.. and i take it I am having christmas here- and both kids would be home.. so how and when would he do the stairs then? I am assuming it takes 48 hours to DRY.. and well.. devons, our room and the games room are upstairs..so good luck with that.
anyway- going to eat something for a change and talk to dean... and enjoy the quiet of a monday morning :P
ttfn
maybe today I will actually tackle the LAUNDRY I have been avoiding doing for 4 days... sigh.. its not even the washing.. its the putting AWAY I CAN'T STAND. I have a load of mine and deans, towels, 2 comforters and devons... oh and sheets..I really should get it all done before dean gets home tomorrow- we have a busy couple days wed./thursday.. whats new...and If i dont do it all now.. it will just be sitting there on the weekend. At least yesterday i managed to tidy up.. make a pot of sauce and 82 meatballs..then went to my mothers.. her floors arent that bad! and she had actually taken down the front window curtains that I thought were beige.. nope they are WHITE HAHAHA she had NEVER washed them in the 10 years they have lived there! and yet she would come to my old house and inform me that my kitchen curtains would need washing all the time! ( and i did them at least 4 times a year!)
went to bed early last night..was IN bed by 930.. read for a bit and actually turned the lights out by 10... ( was up at 3am... so i was bloody tired) it makes it so much easier when devon goes to bed on time and me- shortly after... the routine to get him there is tiring in itself... all the prompting, bribing.. routine... computer time, then bath time,.. then snack time.. then tv in my room for one or two short shows.. then laying there with him hoping that I DONT fall asleep with him ...at least dean isnt beeping me anymore... i laid down the law.. i have been saying goodbye to him before i lay down with devon and IF I get up and have time later i will call you back... so far so good. it makes it so much easier when devon doesnt wake up or the phone ringing.. because 9 times out of ten,.. if he gets up hes UP.. no falling back asleep easily.. now if i could just get through to WYATT... even telling him the other day that I really DONT appreciate him calling at night he did again yesterday.. but at least it was only almost 9.. not like 11 last week! I would hate to have to turn off the phones at night in case of an emergency.
ugh just went down and through in a load... there are 4 comforters on the floor, compliments to russell...I really should steam the carpets at some point too.. Rose and I looked the other day and discovered that i have hardwood under the carpets on the stairs... no idea whats in the upper hallway.. but at least we can rip up the stairs, stain them and shallack them... if dean ever has a spare moment HA! next few days off are at christmas.. and i take it I am having christmas here- and both kids would be home.. so how and when would he do the stairs then? I am assuming it takes 48 hours to DRY.. and well.. devons, our room and the games room are upstairs..so good luck with that.
anyway- going to eat something for a change and talk to dean... and enjoy the quiet of a monday morning :P
ttfn
Saturday, September 12, 2009
saturday night... here I am playing hangaroo http://www.hangaroo.info/ and talking to dean... who is now finally in miami.. having been gone 3 days... I figured out we have seen each other 4 days total ( including 1/2 days, like tuesday night and part of friday mornings) out of 14 days... sad.
went to the pen today with devon ( dropped robbie and russell at the movies to see gamer so I figured what was the point of wasting the gas just going home and coming back)... this is the 2nd time at the pen in 3 days.. I bought devon a new pair of shoes for school ( he has to keep a pair of indoor shoes there and last years are ratty).. bought him a 5 dollar lego set ( he really really really wanted this star wars set with the taun taun but shit it isnt Christmas!) 3 shirts for devon and some books for me... then we sat and had fries in the food court... devon was surprisingly good, ( not counting the tiny meltdown over the lego set) but he pulled himself together.. GOOD JOB DEVON! :) :P
he came home friday with yet another demand from the school for money... sigh.. now I need to cough up 11 bucks for a richmond st gym shirt and 12 for the shorts... not to mention its picture days for both kids next week.. so were looking at least another 75 or so there.. i figured i better get some school pics, other than russells grad pic, i havent bought school pics for either kid in 2 grades!- bad mummy.. sept is always so bad.. they demand sooo much money... i paid 65 to register russell.. 13 for a french workbook, 6 for his locker.. 20 for his lunch money... 5 for devons agenda, 5 for a school trip, pizza money, scholastic another 22... and the magazine fundraiser starts this coming week.. yay... not sure if i will be even able to swing my renewals ( martha, nintendo power, russells ps3 one.. and deans ontario out of doors... we will have to see...
oh- I bought myself some new coffee toppers from second cup for when i make my mocchachinos.. prob spelled that wrong- oh well lol- cant wait to try them.. 3 came in this set- cinnamon sugar, vanilla sugar and choc. sugar... yeah prob really easy to make them at home.. but their sugar is super fine castor.. ( dont have) and their blends are yummy..so when i make us some next weekend kathy.. you have new ones to try :)
I bought a new baking book the other night.. already did a couple recipes out of it.. my friend rose came over yesterday afternoon and I showed her how to make cinnamon curls... step by step.. she told me I was a good teacher and should do it as a job.. hmm wasnt that what I have said i wanted to do for months now? now WHO will PAY for this service??lol... I must be a pretty good teacher, since rose is also deaf and doesnt do ANY KIND of baking at home.. she didnt even have a basic understanding when i was showing her ( had to use really simple terms and repeat myself dozens of times in a dozen different ways lol)..she went home with a dozen rolls, the knowledge to make more and was happier than a pig in shit. It was nice seeing rose.. we dont get together too often- ( she has 3 kids!) and I am always so friggen busy..
cleaned the house top to bottom this morning.. ( havent done it since the beginning of the week) .. so I just have to do a ton of laundry tomorrow- and go to my mothers... I gave her money to pick me up a couple of things at the giant tiger- and her and joe ripped up ALL the carpets upstairs! ( what got into JOE? LOL) they have beautiful hardwood underneath however it desperately needs to be refinished; there is major water damage in multiple areas... we will see if Joe gets around to doing this.. or will he leave it like he did the stripped wall paper for years?? hmmm... needless to say my mother has now been not so subtly hinting she CANT POSSIBLY have thanksgiving NOW in HER HOUSE... ( rolling my eyes)... I didnt say a word... like we all care if she has stained wood floors... its not like we commented on the wallpaper.. she didnt care about that! ;p
k I am off- going to have a jacuzzi bath/book and go to bed..
ttyl
went to the pen today with devon ( dropped robbie and russell at the movies to see gamer so I figured what was the point of wasting the gas just going home and coming back)... this is the 2nd time at the pen in 3 days.. I bought devon a new pair of shoes for school ( he has to keep a pair of indoor shoes there and last years are ratty).. bought him a 5 dollar lego set ( he really really really wanted this star wars set with the taun taun but shit it isnt Christmas!) 3 shirts for devon and some books for me... then we sat and had fries in the food court... devon was surprisingly good, ( not counting the tiny meltdown over the lego set) but he pulled himself together.. GOOD JOB DEVON! :) :P
he came home friday with yet another demand from the school for money... sigh.. now I need to cough up 11 bucks for a richmond st gym shirt and 12 for the shorts... not to mention its picture days for both kids next week.. so were looking at least another 75 or so there.. i figured i better get some school pics, other than russells grad pic, i havent bought school pics for either kid in 2 grades!- bad mummy.. sept is always so bad.. they demand sooo much money... i paid 65 to register russell.. 13 for a french workbook, 6 for his locker.. 20 for his lunch money... 5 for devons agenda, 5 for a school trip, pizza money, scholastic another 22... and the magazine fundraiser starts this coming week.. yay... not sure if i will be even able to swing my renewals ( martha, nintendo power, russells ps3 one.. and deans ontario out of doors... we will have to see...
oh- I bought myself some new coffee toppers from second cup for when i make my mocchachinos.. prob spelled that wrong- oh well lol- cant wait to try them.. 3 came in this set- cinnamon sugar, vanilla sugar and choc. sugar... yeah prob really easy to make them at home.. but their sugar is super fine castor.. ( dont have) and their blends are yummy..so when i make us some next weekend kathy.. you have new ones to try :)
I bought a new baking book the other night.. already did a couple recipes out of it.. my friend rose came over yesterday afternoon and I showed her how to make cinnamon curls... step by step.. she told me I was a good teacher and should do it as a job.. hmm wasnt that what I have said i wanted to do for months now? now WHO will PAY for this service??lol... I must be a pretty good teacher, since rose is also deaf and doesnt do ANY KIND of baking at home.. she didnt even have a basic understanding when i was showing her ( had to use really simple terms and repeat myself dozens of times in a dozen different ways lol)..she went home with a dozen rolls, the knowledge to make more and was happier than a pig in shit. It was nice seeing rose.. we dont get together too often- ( she has 3 kids!) and I am always so friggen busy..
cleaned the house top to bottom this morning.. ( havent done it since the beginning of the week) .. so I just have to do a ton of laundry tomorrow- and go to my mothers... I gave her money to pick me up a couple of things at the giant tiger- and her and joe ripped up ALL the carpets upstairs! ( what got into JOE? LOL) they have beautiful hardwood underneath however it desperately needs to be refinished; there is major water damage in multiple areas... we will see if Joe gets around to doing this.. or will he leave it like he did the stripped wall paper for years?? hmmm... needless to say my mother has now been not so subtly hinting she CANT POSSIBLY have thanksgiving NOW in HER HOUSE... ( rolling my eyes)... I didnt say a word... like we all care if she has stained wood floors... its not like we commented on the wallpaper.. she didnt care about that! ;p
k I am off- going to have a jacuzzi bath/book and go to bed..
ttyl
Thursday, September 10, 2009
day 3 of back to school... smoother the past couple of days compared to the first morning ( OMG ACK ACK ACK) but Dean has been home which has helped.. and devon has had a good first couple of days... just waiting for the school is ****ing boring and i want to stay home which will come..i hope it comes later rather than sooner.. sigh.
dean left a day early- this morning at 10... I was NOT happy.. he was NOT happy... he has to go down to pick up his pos truck thats still in Orlando- supposely fixed... for the third time... dean says if the M***er F***er breaks down again hes taking a %&$#@ plane home...hes a tad pissed ...
because his truck broke down last trip he didnt even get home until tuesday after 8 and was beyond his "normal" exhaustion... basically ate, watched an hour of tv and went to bed... and since i was %^&*$ exhausted from lack of sleep because of devon- i went to bed too. Wednesday we got up at the crack of stupid to get the kids going...russell leaves at 715..then finally seeing devon off after 8.. and then running out to do errands.. got back afternoon, i started dinner. he cut the grass, hoed the garden then made hotsauce... after dinner we were watching tv and his boss called.. which totally irritated us both.. and then went to bed at 10...did i even SEE my husband this week? it doesnt friggen feel like it! have i mentioned lately i HATE HIS JOB?? I am hoping devon doesnt give me an extra day of torture now because daddys not home, esp. in the morning tomorrow...and now i will be sitting here all week thinking we are a day ahead- since he leaves friday mornings not thursdays normally. this morning i told dean I dont know how to act when he something comes up... if i pretend it doesnt bother me and reassure him.. he thinks i dont miss him or care... if i make a big deal and tell him how pissed I am i never see him.. then HE gets irritated and pissed... I cant win!
I really should be doing something productive.. but to hell with it.. this is the first couple of days i have had ANY BREAK since %^&#$ JUNE... so to hell with cleaning or getting on the treadmill or the rest of the errands i have to do since dean left early-etc.. I am lounging ... at least for another hour when russell gets home.. ( 245) and i go get devon from the bus at 335. I will be more productive tomorrow, promise :)
dean left a day early- this morning at 10... I was NOT happy.. he was NOT happy... he has to go down to pick up his pos truck thats still in Orlando- supposely fixed... for the third time... dean says if the M***er F***er breaks down again hes taking a %&$#@ plane home...hes a tad pissed ...
because his truck broke down last trip he didnt even get home until tuesday after 8 and was beyond his "normal" exhaustion... basically ate, watched an hour of tv and went to bed... and since i was %^&*$ exhausted from lack of sleep because of devon- i went to bed too. Wednesday we got up at the crack of stupid to get the kids going...russell leaves at 715..then finally seeing devon off after 8.. and then running out to do errands.. got back afternoon, i started dinner. he cut the grass, hoed the garden then made hotsauce... after dinner we were watching tv and his boss called.. which totally irritated us both.. and then went to bed at 10...did i even SEE my husband this week? it doesnt friggen feel like it! have i mentioned lately i HATE HIS JOB?? I am hoping devon doesnt give me an extra day of torture now because daddys not home, esp. in the morning tomorrow...and now i will be sitting here all week thinking we are a day ahead- since he leaves friday mornings not thursdays normally. this morning i told dean I dont know how to act when he something comes up... if i pretend it doesnt bother me and reassure him.. he thinks i dont miss him or care... if i make a big deal and tell him how pissed I am i never see him.. then HE gets irritated and pissed... I cant win!
I really should be doing something productive.. but to hell with it.. this is the first couple of days i have had ANY BREAK since %^&#$ JUNE... so to hell with cleaning or getting on the treadmill or the rest of the errands i have to do since dean left early-etc.. I am lounging ... at least for another hour when russell gets home.. ( 245) and i go get devon from the bus at 335. I will be more productive tomorrow, promise :)
Sunday, September 6, 2009
2 days before school starts and I am so not ready... there isnt A LOT to GET ready but I really don't want to deal with before school battles.. get to bed battles... walking to the bus stop and the whole feel of schedules again. I have tried now for the past couple days to get the kids to bed early.. but it doesnt seem to be working in my favour... the first night devon and I went to bed early enough and I lectured russell that he had to go to bed by 11... Devon wakes up just before 11 and wakes ME up.. and even after he fell back asleep awhile later, i didnt get back to bed until 1.. then laid there. and when I got up from being woken up, russell was STILL on the computer, begging for just one more minute to play his game etc...
Last night I tried to get Devon into bed by 830... then dean calls... his truck broke down AGAIN.. same thing as last time, the computer... ( am really hating computers in vehicles right now!) and i talked to him, trying to cheer him up until his tow truck came... hes in Orlando at the moment.. so- by the time I got off the phone, devon was STILL up at 1030.. went into the games room and got russell off the computer and laid down again with him... i laid there for an hour- neither one of us was sleeping and then realized i left the ice cream maker going,, so i told devon to stay in bed and go to sleep and went downstairs to deal with that...
came back upstairs, didnt hear anything from the bedroom so I decided to get on the computer for a bit... TWO hours later i hear devon... he hasnt even slept yet and it;s after one am. SO, i laid back down AGAIN with him... and we both fell asleep around 3!! I dont know how this kid does it.. i was and am exhausted... and he got up around 7.,...I am REALLY going to have to try and get both kids IN bed and ASLEEP tonight... Devon by 9 at the latest and russell 1030ish... or my tuesday morning will be even more stressful.
Went and picked up devons ds yesterday from the box dr. omg cost me $50 just to fix! But I cant imagine his bus rides in the morning without it.. and still cheaper than buying a new one for 129+tx or a dsi which he wants, for 200! my mother hadnt come home yet from port dover; couldnt get a hold of her on the phone; so I went over to the giant tiger in fonthill to kill time... bought russell a new watch and a few other things, called my mother who said just to keep her car until today... she said just come over to her house for dinner with her car, she was whipped. fine- worked for me.. so I came home and started dinner and two ice cream bases.. strawberry and vanilla...got the vanilla going right now.. made the strawberry last night.. used a custard base this time... we shall see how it turns out..
September brings appts all over again.. running here, there, toronto etc...I really am going to have to try and get back into the whole swing of things... at least I will have my mondays off .. and maybe get a chance to use my treadmill more than once a week like I am doing now.. also rose asked me to go for a coffee monday or tuesday... so much to cram in, into a week,.. and when dean comes home there is just way too much to do in 2 days. We also have been trying to get this homeline and transfer his accounts from his bank to the rbc.. we started it all in JULY.. and running to the rbc to sign this or appt that.. i sure hope it all gets done soon- this is ridiculous! unfortunately its also a necessity, since andy took our medical benefits away a month ago...and hopefully the CAR will actually be FIXED this week for REAL.. sick and tired of taking it to Brian cullen all the time and they SAY they fixed it but haven't!
anyway- got to fly... deans beeping me and i want to know where he is and if he got another truck or is laid over :(
ttfn
Deans still in Orlando at the freightliner dealership...so another guy is going to come and pick him up around 3pm and be his " codriver" to miami, get his berries in charlotte etc.. i sure hope andy doesnt give him "codriver" pay for all this shit! GRRRR next week dean "should" be getting stat holiday pay for labour day and I can totally see ellie and andy cutting his pay because of this week to make up for their lost $$ for THAT.we will see. Hes in the office at the dealership right now.
russell JUST got up...and that was with me waking him up.. he has the nerve to tell me that he wanted to wake up an hour ago and i didnt wake him up. nice try.. what r u going to so come tuesday? not to mention what if I had a job or things to do.. and HE had a part time job? who would be getting him up, prompted and ready THEN? its called an alarm clock and motivation russell.. btw my ice cream turned out great! extra creamy AND it firmed up alot quicker.. the consistancy is a lot better too.
Last night I tried to get Devon into bed by 830... then dean calls... his truck broke down AGAIN.. same thing as last time, the computer... ( am really hating computers in vehicles right now!) and i talked to him, trying to cheer him up until his tow truck came... hes in Orlando at the moment.. so- by the time I got off the phone, devon was STILL up at 1030.. went into the games room and got russell off the computer and laid down again with him... i laid there for an hour- neither one of us was sleeping and then realized i left the ice cream maker going,, so i told devon to stay in bed and go to sleep and went downstairs to deal with that...
came back upstairs, didnt hear anything from the bedroom so I decided to get on the computer for a bit... TWO hours later i hear devon... he hasnt even slept yet and it;s after one am. SO, i laid back down AGAIN with him... and we both fell asleep around 3!! I dont know how this kid does it.. i was and am exhausted... and he got up around 7.,...I am REALLY going to have to try and get both kids IN bed and ASLEEP tonight... Devon by 9 at the latest and russell 1030ish... or my tuesday morning will be even more stressful.
Went and picked up devons ds yesterday from the box dr. omg cost me $50 just to fix! But I cant imagine his bus rides in the morning without it.. and still cheaper than buying a new one for 129+tx or a dsi which he wants, for 200! my mother hadnt come home yet from port dover; couldnt get a hold of her on the phone; so I went over to the giant tiger in fonthill to kill time... bought russell a new watch and a few other things, called my mother who said just to keep her car until today... she said just come over to her house for dinner with her car, she was whipped. fine- worked for me.. so I came home and started dinner and two ice cream bases.. strawberry and vanilla...got the vanilla going right now.. made the strawberry last night.. used a custard base this time... we shall see how it turns out..
September brings appts all over again.. running here, there, toronto etc...I really am going to have to try and get back into the whole swing of things... at least I will have my mondays off .. and maybe get a chance to use my treadmill more than once a week like I am doing now.. also rose asked me to go for a coffee monday or tuesday... so much to cram in, into a week,.. and when dean comes home there is just way too much to do in 2 days. We also have been trying to get this homeline and transfer his accounts from his bank to the rbc.. we started it all in JULY.. and running to the rbc to sign this or appt that.. i sure hope it all gets done soon- this is ridiculous! unfortunately its also a necessity, since andy took our medical benefits away a month ago...and hopefully the CAR will actually be FIXED this week for REAL.. sick and tired of taking it to Brian cullen all the time and they SAY they fixed it but haven't!
anyway- got to fly... deans beeping me and i want to know where he is and if he got another truck or is laid over :(
ttfn
Deans still in Orlando at the freightliner dealership...so another guy is going to come and pick him up around 3pm and be his " codriver" to miami, get his berries in charlotte etc.. i sure hope andy doesnt give him "codriver" pay for all this shit! GRRRR next week dean "should" be getting stat holiday pay for labour day and I can totally see ellie and andy cutting his pay because of this week to make up for their lost $$ for THAT.we will see. Hes in the office at the dealership right now.
russell JUST got up...and that was with me waking him up.. he has the nerve to tell me that he wanted to wake up an hour ago and i didnt wake him up. nice try.. what r u going to so come tuesday? not to mention what if I had a job or things to do.. and HE had a part time job? who would be getting him up, prompted and ready THEN? its called an alarm clock and motivation russell.. btw my ice cream turned out great! extra creamy AND it firmed up alot quicker.. the consistancy is a lot better too.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
summer is gone.. and a long rant.
616am.. been up since 510...Dean and I went to bed shortly after 10- I should have known I would jump up this early. By 8 I will be exhausted again. I am tempted to go grab a shower while everyone is still in bed- but 1) I dont want to disturb Dean.. and 2) I am being selfish, I want the ME time and enjoying every second of it while I can.
When I am done this smoke I am going to get myself an another coffee from my wonderful new coffee maker, courtesy of Kathy and Jason. This one doesnt pour all over the counter, shut off in 2 hours and the coffee actually tastes like coffee not mud.
Summer is drawing to a close, yet it feels like it never quite arrived... oh SURE I have been stuck home for weeks, holed up with the kids and playing june cleaver but since we never got around to DOING anything and Dean couldnt take vacation - and the weather has been ever so shitty It feels like it jumped from May to Sept. One more week till these kids r back in school, Im back into routine of getting up at the crack of dawn packing lunches, trying to get Devon to the bus stop without a huge blow out and finally have some ME time during the day where I can get on the treadmill more than once a week or just listen to the silence.
Russell went to the comic convention on the weekend. He loved it- but is now suffering from NOT buyers remorse lol- he is kicking himself for NOT buying the settlers of Catan expansion pack - he saved his money as he always does but this time came home and blew it all on his new girlfriend at the store this week. ahhh girlfriends... Am I truly old enough to have a teenager who has a GIRLFRIEND? ACK. I was looking foward to seeing some interesting pics of the con. what do I get( as usual) pics of chicks asses and boobs... I guess I should be grateful i guess they aren't pics of MENS asses! lol hes ass/boob and woman obsessed. Thats all I ever hear anymore... just got to say one thing.. i aint raisin' no babies!
Kathy and I had a pleasant Sat. however I felt like I should have entertained her and diana more- not just stand there talking for hours.. well at least it kept devon occupied for the day- the same can NOT be said for Sunday when he lost his mind..
ahh the sun is coming up. Today will be busy- we have to go run errands ( pharmacy, groceries, smokes. picking up devons now fixed DS) and then on to register russell at thorold high at a bbq for gr. nines at 530,...tomorrow I am HOPING to go to the ex. we will see... mum really wanted us to come up yet again to Port Dover but dean doesnt want to either- only so much you can take of 60 year + people hanging out- nothing for devon ( and only SHIANNE for russell) and going to dinner for fish. the weather isnt exactly BEACH weather either.. i would rather take the kids to the ex.. I havent gone in 9 years... although the crowds, noises and stimuli might put devon over the top.. we will see what money is left over too. Then of course dean goes back to work friday morning.. so this is our last chance of summer to cram in something before school starts.
my cake turned out awesome.. my mother liked it so much she ate 3/4's of it.. ( which is good- then I DIDNT eat the calories) my birthday was yucky.. devon and russell fighting..
oh and dean has to call gmac then fax shit to the bank.. i will HAVE to remember to get him to do this.. he has to before friday. I think the bank manager thought I was nuts when i said there just isnt any TIME for him to call anyone ( this over getting all our account #'s) I said he isnt HOME damn it and when he IS we cram a week into 2 days.. when the hell does he have TIME to call anyone and sit on the phone listening to options when we try and live a week in 2 days.
brb going to grab another coffee
this games room looks like george lucas/nintendo and a mexican ( salsa and nachos) threw up in here. didnt i just clean it? sigh
devon is up.. first thing he asks if to go on the computer to look for old lego stuff to BUY... sigh. can you give me a few minutes? where did my alone time go?
Su
When I am done this smoke I am going to get myself an another coffee from my wonderful new coffee maker, courtesy of Kathy and Jason. This one doesnt pour all over the counter, shut off in 2 hours and the coffee actually tastes like coffee not mud.
Summer is drawing to a close, yet it feels like it never quite arrived... oh SURE I have been stuck home for weeks, holed up with the kids and playing june cleaver but since we never got around to DOING anything and Dean couldnt take vacation - and the weather has been ever so shitty It feels like it jumped from May to Sept. One more week till these kids r back in school, Im back into routine of getting up at the crack of dawn packing lunches, trying to get Devon to the bus stop without a huge blow out and finally have some ME time during the day where I can get on the treadmill more than once a week or just listen to the silence.
Russell went to the comic convention on the weekend. He loved it- but is now suffering from NOT buyers remorse lol- he is kicking himself for NOT buying the settlers of Catan expansion pack - he saved his money as he always does but this time came home and blew it all on his new girlfriend at the store this week. ahhh girlfriends... Am I truly old enough to have a teenager who has a GIRLFRIEND? ACK. I was looking foward to seeing some interesting pics of the con. what do I get( as usual) pics of chicks asses and boobs... I guess I should be grateful i guess they aren't pics of MENS asses! lol hes ass/boob and woman obsessed. Thats all I ever hear anymore... just got to say one thing.. i aint raisin' no babies!
Kathy and I had a pleasant Sat. however I felt like I should have entertained her and diana more- not just stand there talking for hours.. well at least it kept devon occupied for the day- the same can NOT be said for Sunday when he lost his mind..
ahh the sun is coming up. Today will be busy- we have to go run errands ( pharmacy, groceries, smokes. picking up devons now fixed DS) and then on to register russell at thorold high at a bbq for gr. nines at 530,...tomorrow I am HOPING to go to the ex. we will see... mum really wanted us to come up yet again to Port Dover but dean doesnt want to either- only so much you can take of 60 year + people hanging out- nothing for devon ( and only SHIANNE for russell) and going to dinner for fish. the weather isnt exactly BEACH weather either.. i would rather take the kids to the ex.. I havent gone in 9 years... although the crowds, noises and stimuli might put devon over the top.. we will see what money is left over too. Then of course dean goes back to work friday morning.. so this is our last chance of summer to cram in something before school starts.
my cake turned out awesome.. my mother liked it so much she ate 3/4's of it.. ( which is good- then I DIDNT eat the calories) my birthday was yucky.. devon and russell fighting..
oh and dean has to call gmac then fax shit to the bank.. i will HAVE to remember to get him to do this.. he has to before friday. I think the bank manager thought I was nuts when i said there just isnt any TIME for him to call anyone ( this over getting all our account #'s) I said he isnt HOME damn it and when he IS we cram a week into 2 days.. when the hell does he have TIME to call anyone and sit on the phone listening to options when we try and live a week in 2 days.
brb going to grab another coffee
this games room looks like george lucas/nintendo and a mexican ( salsa and nachos) threw up in here. didnt i just clean it? sigh
devon is up.. first thing he asks if to go on the computer to look for old lego stuff to BUY... sigh. can you give me a few minutes? where did my alone time go?
Su
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