monday april 27th /09

after a hellish evening/weekend with devon not wanting to go to sleep until well after 10pm... and me then not falling asleep until well after 1am... then sleeping in until 7am and driving the kids into school... finding out devons had THREE different ea's in the past week.. ( um he cant handle transitions? wonder why hes been acting out and doesnt want to go to school? duh?) I am actually in a pretty good mood...

I got on the scale and I am down another pound... :) its nice and quiet here.. russell took out the garbage for me :) - of course he didnt empty the dishwasher however lol.. but i am sitting enjoying my cafe mocha and going to go sit on the front porch in awhile and veg with a book soon. yes i know i should be doing something in the house... mopping and tidying... oh and i have to do my sheets and comforter but that can wait... i am going to enjoy the peace and quiet that comes with mondays...I am taking a mental health morning as i usually do monday mornings.. i deserve every minute of it too :)

I wish i had someone to enjoy my mondays with... i do love my mornings of solitude and reflextion but by noon i am lonely. seems the only time anyone has for me as at night and of course thats when i am busiest usually, doing the whole getting devon settled thing. mondays and tuesdays would be ideal to be able to sit and have a coffee and shoot the shit... but noone seems to be around.wednesdays - fridays are my family and running around days... and weekends i am also home if you can stomach my kids lol

its funny too.,. that some people after years of knowing me still ask me when is a good time for me.. 0r when is dean home? um do you not know me/us at all? my schedule has not varied for about 13 years lol. deans been driving to Miami for 13 years. scary. to me it doesnt seem that long ago that he was going out to BC with the moving company and we were living in that little apartment on lake street with russell.. hard to believe that was 13 years ago now. time flies. Russell will be 14 in 2 days.. yet i remember like it was yesterday the day he was born.. i suppose every mother can say that about every child no matter how old they get. the years dont matter. 14 years seems insignificant in the grand sceme of the things. we have come such a long way in 14 years from that tiny little apartment... from my divorce.. 3 houses later.. we have raised two children .. so much crud.. so many struggles and yet we have prevailed... here we are.. we have survived in tact. i would give anything to have my husband home every night... well almost anything.. i dont think i could go back to that tiny little apartment... not knowing if we can make rent.. or groceries.. it was awful. we have made choices and taken priorities.. this is the reason he IS on the road and not in our bed every night. I think this is why I get so angry at people that cant appreciate the things they have.. the time they share with their spouses.. I only see mine 1/2 of a year.. my kids have their dad 1/2 of their lives... we try and cram as much as we can into that time but man its been tough. I wish i could just have the abililty to go to bed with my husband every night... now that would be nice. to be able to see him for even a short period every day would be nice..i realise with two people working spouses dont get alot of time together but at least they get to SEE each other every day... even for an hour.. or 2 or sleep in the same bed.. they are in the same house together at some point every day.. i get to see dean late tuesday afternoon- and hes extremely tired... hes in bed by 9 usually.. wed, thursday- and of course we run to appts and run errands.. and hes on the road again friday morning. this is my marriage. in the mean time, while hes on the road.. i am a single mother of 2 special needs kids..

ok this is depressing me... enough talk about that lol. if only i could win that lottery... ;)

I havent picked up my mail in 2 1/2 weeks.. yikes.. i can imagine it over flowing from my box... someone remind me to go do that in the next couple of days.. :p

I need to call dr shapirs office about that mri at sick kids.. i also need to call about a hair cut.. who knows when i am supposed to go for that... i look awful.

I am tired enough to take a nap.. however when i do this on a monday i feel like i have totally wasted my ME time.. i wake up usually in a pissy mood too- because usually my mother, dean or someone else has continously called while i have tried to lay down too... I always have the phone in my room just in case its a dr calling for an appt or the school.. and when i wake up i havent accomplished anything.. and then before i know it i have to go get the kids from the bus and my stress begins all over again...so unless i actually lay down right away after i drop the kids off first thing in the morning its not worth it.

I think i am going to go read the news then go throw my wash in and then head out outside on the veranda... wish i had some company...

su