my morning

It's been one of those mornings. Devon wakes up late... Devon refuses to get dressed... Devon keeps telling me to shut up, fuck off, calling me bitch.. no matter how nicely I ask him to get dressed and come eat his breakfast and redirect him the more he sticks his fingers in his ears and shouts at me. (Its not like he totally is sticking his fingers in his ears because he doesnt want to hear me/avoidance issues... its like my voice is actually hurting him to hear me.. " shut up shut up shut up!!!")

After 20 minutes of this I change tactics.. Do you want me to call daddy and let him hear what youre doing? do you even want to go to the movies tomorrow because i dont need to throw you a party... this lego can go away for a few days too.. He gets worse.. he runs from room to room shouting.. throwing things at me..I keep looking at the clock tick towards 730 ( we leave for the bus by 745)... If I had had time I would have completely ignored him... obviously I didn't.

We end up on my bed.. he's under my covers refusing to come out. I try the old you need a hug routine and get socked in the face. I physically put his arms around me, prying them from his body which he is hugging and hold on to him tight, cooing nonsense silly words.. telling him he has to go to school because mummy has a dental appt and daddys coming home this morning... and if mummy doesnt have her front tooth then we cant go to walmart in the near future and I know how you have gift cards... i am rambling in june cleaver tones.. i manage to usher him into the hall.. i grab his clothes.. i come back hes on the computer... sigh... hes telling me he hates school.. i tell him he only has 4 days this week then its easter..my smile is starting to hurt my face.

i get him downstairs. Russell says dont throw him a party.. it would serve him right... I shoot him a look and tell him to be quiet.. hes calming down I dont need his 2 cents. Devon comes down and grabs his english muffin and stuffs 1/2 of it in his mouth and tries to talk..hes still aggitated but seems to be able to be distracted now... phew.. its now 740... he swallows.. i give him his pill.. he pulls away.. i grab him and put it in his mouth... hand him his milk... hes rambling about some lego Y fighter now from lego.. and repeating " do you want a pickle" over and over..

I get his boots out side by side.. hes talking non stop.. a piece of muffin in each hand trying to get his boots on sideways on the wrong foot.. i try to take the muffin out of his hands and he gets aggitated.. so i help him slip his foot in... i get his coat.. put his hat on.. grab his ds and put it in the back pack for the bus ride...

we are almost out the door and russell and devon start to argue about lego.. i manage to back the car out of the driveway, as usual they are waiting and devon is kicking russell and russell is shouting retard...

we get to the bus stop.. i ramble about anything distracting while devon says inappropriate things.. russell starts to sing an eminiem song and devon repeats it.. russell tells me about another kid thats on the bus that fights with devon...

Then all seems to be quiet for a moment.. i take the moment and ask devon what he could have done this morning differently.. he said " be good?" i said but how? were you a good listener? did we work as a team today devon? did you make it easy or hard? you could have got dressed, ate quickly and had a 1/2 an hour to play with your lego.. but instead your chose your behaviour this morning... he laughs and says bad is fun.. I said its not very fun when noone is happy is it? i feel like I am talking to a wall.

he leans over says SORRY mommy.. and gives me a noogie... for devon this is affection. i say i love you too.. but mommy isnt happy at the moment..

I see the bus. we all get out of the car. I grab devons backpack.. he asks me when we are going to walmart.. i said not today... i said when you can prove to me you can listen. he says on the weekend? I said thats up to you then isnt it?

I drive home and look forward to being alone for the next 6 hours... hopefully he will be calmer when he walks in the door after school.